Welcome to Foster Family Matters

Thank you for joining us! Welcome to another episode of Foster Family Matters with your hosts Shawn Wilson, Ryan North, and Lori Fangue. If you don’t already know, we are a foster care, adoption, and behavior health non-profit in North Texas. We believe that our show is perfect for parents of children and the people in their support networks (friends, family, co-workers, etc . . . ).

What Are We Chatting About Today?

Today we are starting a multi-part series on healthy relationships. To start things off, we’ll be chatting about what the different components to a healthy relationship are. This episode’s discussion will be an intro into these specific areas or aspects. You’ll get a preview of what to expect in upcoming episodes.

All Things Social Media

We are currently focused on social media and trying to grow the show. We are extremely grateful and excited about the success we’ve seen so far. We’ve also started posting video versions of the show on Facebook and YouTube as well as highlights on Instagram TV. Make sure to check those out!

If you aren’t already a member, you can also join our Facebook group called Foster Family Matters to find community with like-minded parents. The group is really about relationships in a familial setting and connecting with people who have similar interests in improving relationships.

You can find a video recording of this discussion on YouTube or Facebook!  Remember to subscribe and turn on notifications so you will get a friendly reminder when we upload new content.

A Little Background

Jude Cassidy did some research and formulated a theory that there are four things that a secure relationship in order to be healthy and positive. Today we are providing a foundation and introduction to those four concepts. We’ll touch on each one in this episode and then further unpack them in upcoming episodes.

In This Episode

  • What healthy relationships “look like”
  • Why bad relationships form
  • Living in isolation
  • Wired for connection
  • Unhealthy relationships passed on
  • Importance of empathy in relationships
  • Breaking the cycle
  • Serve and return

We were made to seek and form relationships. God says it’s not good for man to be alone.

We are to be in relationship, not isolation. Furthermore, we as adults are the ones who can heal and teach others, especially children, how to be in relationship.

If we as adults don’t know how to live in healthy relationships with each other it’s going to be very hard to live in healthy relationships with children. It will also be hard to teach those children how to live in healthy relationships themselves.

God is a God of relationships and the greatest therapy in the world is love. Love is fostered through relationships. When we live in isolation we don’t grow, mature or thrive.

For us to do life well, we need to be with people who love and support us, and we need to do the same. Some people have bad relationships or claim to be bad at relationships. There is a reason for that. It is learned. The good news is you can learn how to have good relationships and how to be good at relationships.

The first step is empathy. Empathy allows you to care. This is very important in having healthy relationships. The thing is we are wired for connection. We were born to live in reciprocating relationships with other people. You can get back to a place of a healthy relationship. Just because you have relationships doesn’t mean they are healthy. Negative connection is still a connection.

An unhealthy relationship can be passed on. It can be cyclical. That means it’s time to break the cycle. We must also have empathy for those that weren’t loved well. Many don’t know how to love well because they were not loved well.

All of this resonates in self-awareness. Relationships happen at the intersection of two people’s histories. Each party brings all their baggage. At baggage claim is where we have the potential for problems. In a relationship that baggage is combined and sometimes this is where problems occur. If we can work on our issues as individuals it equips us to help the kids. It also allows us to model for children what needs to be done.

During this episode, we also talk about the ability to negotiate your wants and needs, the impact of being a people-pleaser and the importance of being interdependent.

Final Thoughts

For us, this research we will be diving more into in the following episodes solidifies personal relationships. It’s about being the agent of change. You oversee the trajectory of your relationships. Yes, it is 50/50 but you can own your own part.

This is about getting to the core of who you are. A lot of times we try to fix relationships by fixing someone else, yet we don’t have any control over the other person.

We encourage you to come to this conversation with the mindset that this is about you, not someone else. Make the changes you need to make and then you can share this information with others so maybe they will do the same.

Resources Mentioned

Anatomy of the Soul

Connect

Facebook Group: Foster Family Matters

Show Website:  www.fosterfamilymatters.org

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Shawn Wilson

Director of Strategy and Business Development at CK Family Services
Shawn has spent more than 23 years serving children and families.He initially worked with adjudicated youth, focusing on serious offenders and their reintegration following incarceration. Shawn began serving children in Texas Foster Care in 2000 as a Case Manager and now serves as a key member of CK Family Services leadership team.
Shawn Wilson